I collect pocket knives. It’s rare for me to be dressed and not have a knife in my pocket. Knives are useful tools. I usually find a use for one three or a dozen times a day.

Modern production knife makers (the sort of designer/producer/ manufacturer who turns out a thousand knives of a given design rather than one or two) have a tendency to give marketing-driven names to their products. Some of that marketing disturbs me.

Because I always have a knife, it would naturally be the case that if I were arrested, I would have a knife in my pocket at the time.

These are names of knives that I might refrain from buying simply because I do not wish to have a jury hear what I had in my pocket:

• battle hog
• viper
• shenanigan
• brawler
• crack-shot
• secret ninja
• scoundrel
• assassin
• bedlam
• paramilitary

On the other hand, I doubt anyone would blink at hearing the names:

• scallion
• optima
• intellect
• heritage
• civilian
• matriarch
• amicus
• triage

There is, of course, no real link between the design of a knife and the name. Here’s the SpyderCo Paramilitary 2. It’s a rather innocuous pocket knife, useful for opening boxes, slicing your sandwich or a thousand other things you might want to do in ordinary life. I might buy one, except that the name isn’t great. I understand that the 3rd version of it might simply be called the “Para 3”.

And here’s the catalog entry for the SpyderCo Civilian. The Civilian is nearly useless for anything except self-defense (although I have been told that some gardeners like it for pruning.)

I frequently carry a Delica or Endura. I would rather not buy a DeathBlade MurderQuick, even if it is appealing to me in every other way.