In the last few years, email marketers have started sending streams of messages that reference each other, apparently attempting to induce a feeling of an existing relationship, and then shame that I am somehow not carrying my end of it.

This does not work anymore.

My internal evaluator has been so overloaded by these pathetic (literally; look it up) entreaties that I am starting to view non-marketing emails with a skeptical eye. “Oh really?” asks my stream of consciousness. “My boss wants to meet at a different time tomorrow? You expect me to fall for that? NEVER.”

Plaintive whines about “Did this email slip through the cracks?” or “Can we reschedule? [an appointment that was never made]” are now instantly rejected.

Tough noogies, marketers.